Day after day, we live our lives as though they are ours to live, we go about our day like we have all the say in the world, never taking the time to stop and think, What day will be my last? I'm not trying to be morbid when I write this, I am just beginning to realize not only how important it is to grasp the joy of each day, but to live a life asking only one question, Lord what is your purpose for me today? Hours ago, i had a heart to heart with my mother over the phone, although i am not proud to admit this, and i know she will not mind me sharing, but I was at a place of pride and discontentment. Because it is not easy to admit being in a state like this, it took my mother being firm with me to say, Hannah, slow down, stop and tell me what your feeling. As i sat there quiet and unsure how to respond, i realized, i have yet to stop. Each day I wake up to a to do list, I have been watching each moment of the day pass by viewing it not as a opportunity but as a thing to check off. Now wonder I find discontentment, now wonder i have felt no peace. Don't get me wrong, I have had many times of Joy, peace and even rejuvination, but it wasn't until today how much i have realized the importance of letting go. Not just from big decisions that face me each day, but from things that i have no control over. I can no longer, and will no longer live a life for earthly things, but will press on toward the goal that I will never be blessed with here, but only in eternity. It's really made me evaluate what it is i have been finding my worth in, I say I live a life that lives to glorify the Lord, but have i really been? Although things on earth like school, and even sorority can be important, do i really just see them as temporary things, or do i put more value in them, than there truly is. This is so hard to see, and more so even say. Two weeks ago at Momentum (Which I will blog about soon!) Dad spoke on pride. At the beginning i would not have considered myself in this category, however at the end when he named off characteristics of being prideful, he mine as well have called me by name. The main one that stuck out was:
-Quick to get angry/frustrated----This is where the enemy creeps in...
There it was, not only was I at a place of being prideful, because i had taken on so much, not wanting to share my responsibilities due to a fear of failure, I needed and still need to realize, that no matter how many things i choose to take on, lead, or even succeed in, NOTHING will fill me like the LORD does. Only He can bring me that joy and contentment that I am longing to feel again. So now, though decisions involving my future are to come, the main being ( What will my major be? :/ ) I have decided to let it go, He is in control, and will not lead me astray, He works all things for good, and even though i may not understand all His ways now, I am promised, it will one day be worth it!
-Hannah
