Ever wonder why?!

Wow it has been so long since I have blogged, although there are so many things I could write about from things that have taken place in the last few months,(those updates will come) However, I can't help but share with what comes to mind right now.

Day after day, we live our lives as though they are ours to live, we go about our day like we have all the say in the world, never taking the time to stop and think, What day will be my last? I'm not trying to be morbid when I write this, I am just beginning to realize not only how important it is to grasp the joy of each day, but to live a life asking only one question, Lord what is your purpose for me today? Hours ago, i had a heart to heart with my mother over the phone, although i am not proud to admit this, and i know she will not mind me sharing, but I was at a place of pride and discontentment. Because it is not easy to admit being in a state like this, it took my mother being firm with me to say, Hannah, slow down, stop and tell me what your feeling. As i sat there quiet and unsure how to respond, i realized, i have yet to stop. Each day I wake up to a to do list, I have been watching each moment of the day pass by viewing it not as a opportunity but as a thing to check off. Now wonder I find discontentment, now wonder i have felt no peace. Don't get me wrong, I have had many times of Joy, peace and even rejuvination, but it wasn't until today how much i have realized the importance of letting go. Not just from big decisions that face me each day, but from things that i have no control over. I can no longer, and will no longer live a life for earthly things, but will press on toward the goal that I will never be blessed with here, but only in eternity. It's really made me evaluate what it is i have been finding my worth in, I say I live a life that lives to glorify the Lord, but have i really been? Although things on earth like school, and even sorority can be important, do i really just see them as temporary things, or do i put more value in them, than there truly is. This is so hard to see, and more so even say. Two weeks ago at Momentum (Which I will blog about soon!) Dad spoke on pride. At the beginning i would not have considered myself in this category, however at the end when he named off characteristics of being prideful, he mine as well have called me by name. The main one that stuck out was:

-Quick to get angry/frustrated----This is where the enemy creeps in...

There it was, not only was I at a place of being prideful, because i had taken on so much, not wanting to share my responsibilities due to a fear of failure, I needed and still need to realize, that no matter how many things i choose to take on, lead, or even succeed in, NOTHING will fill me like the LORD does. Only He can bring me that joy and contentment that I am longing to feel again. So now, though decisions involving my future are to come, the main being ( What will my major be? :/ ) I have decided to let it go, He is in control, and will not lead me astray, He works all things for good, and even though i may not understand all His ways now, I am promised, it will one day be worth it! 

-Hannah

The Shack

I feel like i have found 2 hidden treasures lately that i can't help but share...

This first one is the book, The Shack 

It's about a man's journey through forgiveness due to a tragedy that no parent could ever dream of facing. Although there are points that are hard to endure, and even at times, just plain weird the message is something I cannot help but share. After reading this book I not only came to realize how much I was limiting my God, but I even came to realize this God that I say I love and long to know more and more, cannot be put into a category. He is so great, so powerful and so many things, His creations and He himself  truly are Indescribable! In fact in the book the author makes a point to say, if all of God could be fathomed, what would be the mystery, the challenge of waking up and longing to know him more? That would be lost, after all who wants a God that we understand all of, I don't know about you but I long for a God who will always be millions of steps ahead of me unfolding a picture that I cannot see ( even when it means not understanding) because though I sometimes wonder how tragedy does strike and hurt the ones who love him so much, we are only seeing a glimpse of what is unfolding, where as he sees the whole thing. A friend of mine couldn't have described it better. We were sitting on the pier at a friends lake house and she said this analogy I will never forget.

As humans we look through life like peaking through the cracks on the pier looking at only a small percentage of the lake. For all we know, that is it, there is no more that we can see, yet God, the creator himself sees the whole lake. Although he sees the part that we are only seeing he sees what has come, and has yet to come for his dearly beloved. 

So at times when it seems hard, don't lose faith.

"He who promised is faithful" and when we trust him, we allow him to ( in His timing) reveal his plan for our lives. I don't want to go into to many more details explaining the book because I really want you to read this book! Though at times it may be hard not to put down because it seems "way out of the box" remember, We cannot limit God and God can choose to reveal himself for just what we need! 

I'll write about the second book I have come to love to in my next post, but until then I'll leave you with a quote from The Shack...

"An Infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others."

-A. W. Tozer

Lead Me To The Cross

Remember...

Redemptions hill where your blood was spilled for my ransom!

I was at church the other night and the guy who lead worship had an awesome testimony. Having nearly looked death in the face he survived only through the grace of God. Though he is so thankful to be alive, he has a new perspective on life. 

Philippians 1:20-21 says 

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed,but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me , to live is Christ and to die is gain."

As I read this passage over and over again it finally hit me, what am I holding on to? What holds me back from truly saying, Lord if it is your desire for me to physically surrender my life, so that you may be glorified, bring it on. I found that it is pride, so many times a day I dream about the future, what will i do, when will "he" come into my life. But what about now, what is the Lord trying to teach me in this very moment. Now I am not saying the Lord is going to take my life right now, but as hard is this next sentence is to write, and I am not kidding I am fighting to say it....If my death would bring the father glory and draw one more person to his heart, then take my life so that he might gain another! As a christian, as a woman of God that is ALL that he asks of me is to give him all that I am, holding onto nothing. In other words as the song playing says "Rid me of myself, I belong to you!"

The picture above is from a showing of the cross my church did this past week. I wish I could have been there to experience that moment in person, but even a picture captured my heart. 

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost."

To him be the glory FOREVR!!

-Hannah

1 Chronicles 16:8-36

Last time I wrote I shared that life hasn't been going as good as I had planned, but man now I am looking back and am so thankful for that time. After blogging i did the only thing i knew i should do and fell face down before the Lord and gave it all up!

Since then, I have been finding the most affirming scripture and am SO encouraged. I can't write them all out, but here are just a few:

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

-James 1:2-4

"And behold, I am sending the promise of my father upon you. But stay in the city (TROY) until you are clothed with power from on high."

-Luke 24:49

"Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually"

-1 Chronicles 16:11

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy."

-Colossians 1:11

Oh AND....

This was the intro to my quiet time this morning, written by Beth Moore:

"There is a name above all names

Let mine be lost in His

Hide me in His crimson heart

O, way of secret bliss!

One life alone is worth the find

Nail mine onto the tree

Till Jesus ever shining here

Is all beheld in me.

Bring him forth each day I live

And leave me in the tomb

I seek no glory here

Make not the smallest room

Blessed anonymity!

Count my life but loss.

Jesus the One and Only

Tread over me, Dear Cross."

"For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if justification were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose"

-Galatians 2:19-21

Nothing  I could ever write could top this, God is GOOD!!

Waiting...

Music is a huge passion of mine, and i absolutely love it when I come across a song that ministers to where I am in my walk with the Lord. I watched fireproof for the first time about a month ago, ( If you have not already seen it, rent it!) And I heard this song and it brought me to my knees. I wish i could honestly say I am so content with everything going on in my life right now, but i am not. I have been wrestling with the enemy in defeat over and over again, and refuse to let him have the glory, but I am in need of so much more! There are so many questions I want to know the answers to, things are happening that make absolutely no sense,I have hurt more recently more than ever before, but i know there is a point to it all, and even though I may not understand now or even later, he is in control and holds the bigger picture in his hands! ( Such simple truth, but words I am desperately clinging to at the moment.) I'm finding it is in these moments of true heartache and surrender that The Lord is saying "Hannah, I am the ONLY one who can give you peace, No one knows you like I do!" Yes, the comfort of a friend is nice, but to receive the fathers comfort and only HIS is powerful! When I talk to a friend the hurt is lifted for a moment, but is brought up again, BUT when the lord is brought in it is a one time deal, dealt with, and finished! In the past i have been SO quick to "run to the phone before the throne" I place security on the person on the other line, more than the one who made me! And Ironically as hard as that first night was to not have that person pick up, i am thankful. I was able to cry to the Lord and let him lead me to where i needed to go. 

Please don't get me wrong, I am still at peace with the Lord, and his plan for my life. Troy has been an INCREDIBLE experience for me and there is no doubt I am right where he wants me to be, but I am learning to cling to him now more than ever before.

I strongly believe its right now through this hard time and just "Yuck"of life, that he is shaping me into the woman of God he has called me to be. 

After all, he never said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it in the end!

So in the meantime, I am waiting, I am praying for peace and not to be anxious about what lies ahead but to rest in the peace that he has a great and perfect plan for my life.

"Open up my eyes to the things unseen"

Some of the beautiful girls from our group during Disciple Now!

Written by Hillsong, the song hosanna could not be anymore fitting for this time in my life.

"Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything i am for your kingdoms cause, as i walk from earth into eternity!"

I had the most INCREDIBLE weekend this past week and i have to give glory where glory is due

I was asked to help lead worship for d-now this past weekend with FBC here in Troy as well as to lead a group of 11th and 12th grade girls. My room-mate Janie also came along and together we got to led an amazing group of young women.

I immediately responded with yes, little did i know just how much God would do in just three days. After meeting the girls on friday we went and had worship, a sermon spoken by David Nasser (amazing) and then we headed back to our host family's house and began to build relationships with the girls. On saturday we had another session and worship and then went out to do our service project. We took the girls to the Troy Rehabilitation center where we passed out valentines and got to sit in on a saturday morning sermon. The people were so receptive to our love and we were just as blessed as they were. After leaving there we went back to the church and had some good "youth group fun" and then headed back later that night for another session. For those of you who have not heard of David Nasser, I encourage you to look him up and read every book he has written! God is using him! After getting back late saturday night Janie and I led a discussion with the girls and asked them to share what all had been revealed to them. Little did  I know what God would do the very next day! On sunday morning the band led worship and David spoke one last time. Throughout the weekend he was preaching on Grace and based it out of Ephesians 2:1-10. After sharing his testimony and being real with the congregation, chains slowly began to come off throughout the church. As he concluded his sermon he gave an invitation of salvation and people came forward. People from all ages and lastly 2 of my girls i had been discipling over the weekend. Having just talked to each of the girls the night before about Gods grace it was incredible to be on the other side and see there broken and humbled hearts cry on the name of Jesus. As i sat in the pew weeping I began to realize this is what its all about. From that moment on the Lord has blessed me with a new vision. I long to see the things I have overlooked in the past, and I want my heart to break for what breaks his!

As Romans 11:36 says:

"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen"

Worthy is the lamb

I attend 8:29 on Wednesdays at FBC here in Troy, and learned the coolest thing during the sermon last night so i thought I should share:

The local youth minister at FBC in Troy went to Kazakstan last summer on a mission trip and as a sign of appreciation the KZ people offered them a lamb for dinner one night. In KZ it is a huge honor to have lamb for dinner, but the biggest honor is who will slaughter the lamb. Obviously to a group of Americans, all were a little frightened, so Jared, the youth minister decided to take one for the team. He began to slaughter the lamb and was amazed when the lamb did not struggle for his life or even make a noise, but lied there as a sacrifice for many. 

Now i'm sure you get where i'm going with this.

It's no coincidence that Jesus is the lamb of God. I know many of us have heard all of our lives, he made the ultimate sacrifice when he gave his life, as if that isn't powerful enough, he walked up the hill of calvary, sweating, in pain, bleeding, and hungry without even making a sound. What a beautiful picture that is, he loves us so much that even when he knew blood, tears, and nails were involved, he did it anyway for YOU and I. 

Isaiah 53:4,7

(V.4)Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities;the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

(V.7)He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth;he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

Worthy is the lamb who was slain, to him be the glory forevermore!!